While some people hack computers, my guest today hacks humans.
Susan Ibitz is a Human Behavior Hacker with over 28-years of experience applying behavior hacking to sales, communication, negotiation, and everyday life.
She delivers training and consults on Human Behavior, Micro-Expression, Body Language, Deception-Detection, Statement Analysis, Face Reading & Personality types, and has worked in a multitude of fields including Political Campaigns – Law Enforcement – Realtor Estate – Market Research – Insurance Fraud – Match Makers – and more.
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Nicole Holland 0:06
Hey there conscious creator, I'm your host Nicole Holland. Thanks for joining me for another episode where we're exploring how to do life more on your own terms through entrepreneurship and alignment. I believe that each and every one of us has the unlimited ability to create and experience a life full of passion, joy and abundance. Through this podcast, it's my intention that you will find inspiration to support you in stepping up and into your bigger vision. The Nicole Holland show is brought to you in part by Meaningful Mentorship, my dynamic experiential program for 30 to 50 something entrepreneurs who are ready to leave their current status quo behind and consciously create a more meaningful, fulfilling and Purpose Driven Life for themselves and their loved ones. To learn more visit MeaningfulMentorship.com. Please be mindful that this podcast is marked E for explicit because from time to time, we may use language or discuss topics that are not intended for little ears. And now, let's dive in to today's episode.
Well, some people hack computers. My guest today hacks humans. Susan Ebbets is a human behavior hacker with over 28 years of experience, applying behavior hacking to sales, communication, negotiation and everyday life. She delivers training and consults on human behavior, micro expression, body language, deception detection, statement, analysis, face reading and personality types and has worked in a multitude of fields including political campaigns, law enforcement, real estate, market research, insurance, fraud matchmakers and more and it is such a pleasure to have Her on the Nicole Holland show we previously did an interview for fascinating founders. And this woman is truly fascinating. And I could not let her get away. I had to ask her back to dive more into conversation about who she is, and how she's doing life on her own terms. So Susan, thank you so much for joining us again.
Susan Ibitz 2:22
Thank you for being repeated offender in this because once you want me I always this is not who call you first is who call you second, because first everybody if I don't mess it up the first impression with you. Good point.
Nicole Holland 2:38
Oh my gosh, it's been so much fun. And I told you after our first interview, wow. I want you as a mentor and you went to work right away giving me things to think about things to do. And it's been a magical start to a really exciting journey. And I'm so excited to share you with more people who may not have heard of you yet. So Let's just quickly give them a little bit of a synopsis. I read your bio, but tell people how you are serving and supporting folks these days if you would.
Susan Ibitz 3:11
I have online friend because we met only for one interview two years ago and we exchange things all the time online and he always send me t sir. And he sent a T shirt today says what is more rewarding the risk of the outcome and it says oh my god you have been talking to my partner like I work better in high stakes in somebody else was like well, what is adrenaline junkie like no this this let's be clear. I know a lot of people who are hostage negotiators and lawyers, they're domesticated cat that's me in my personal life. You see my cat on older plays, and living outside like a no go I'm not another work here. I don't um, don't go clubbing things like that. But in my job, I'm gonna fix her. Like this alter ego or women jump when his work related Or highest stakes. And that's what I love that the reason I work in political campaigns, I love it. And I miss it tremendously, because I like, I see problems that people don't see. I once I read a book from 1960, who says nobody asked for a behavior or a problem they don't, they're not aware they have. So I have when people's is like, I feel like something is not going on good with or either my team myself managers or myself team or the managers of the company, or a lawyer have a complicated case and they cannot see through and they need some behavioral perspective. And that's what I jump. That's when the alter ego come to and is this crazy woman who would sometime retreat to the forest with their cats and walking on the beach, barefoot and being happy to do that.
Nicole Holland 4:51
Awesome. And so let's actually talk a little bit about that because you have a magnificent home you have like, Wow, you've wowed me So many ways about where you live and how you live. And I'd love to talk a little bit about this. First off your as you've told me in the past year a bit of a hermit like me you like your home? You like your cats you like, I think controlling your environment, maybe. Oh, yeah, I'm not Mr. Higgins. And so you've created this magnificent retreat that you live in. And so can you share with us about? At what point did you realize how important it was to create this dream home to live in
Susan Ibitz 5:36
three years ago, I have a friend who does something similar than I do, but she's a hardcore lawyer a trial. He says, I need a space to disconnect from all this craziness than I do for work every time then I come back home. So says can you come with me this weekend? I want to look for houses outside Chicago. I need to get connected with the force on the water like, Oh my god, I must see the dark like you know, you're not gonna Don't get me on go to the middle, like, come on, come with me and like, okay, you're driving. And suddenly we dread 35 minutes in this forest and risk preservers serve an ecological place and bill to me, and we went to see a couple of houses and she like, ah, maybe to come in at the end of the meeting, I said, Can you give me a car? I need a house. And my friend says don't like, Oh, I'm moving here. So for almost two years, I was looking the perfect house. Until I think everything happened for a reason. I needed to put my doctor's leave. Then I love to death like my dog was my life Homer was like, I think is the most intelligent man I ever I ever have in my life. Sorry, guys. He knows me better than some friends and I need to put it to sleep because he had terminal cancer was crazy because I put it to sleep. January 25 1101. That's the day that was declared dead. These house came to the market January 21. I've never no one in my realtor called me and says this is your home. That's the house you have been looking for. And says I'm really sad. Get your thing get your body in the car, come to see the house. I came to see the house on Saturday 11 o'clock 1115 I put the offer I close Two weeks later I moved on what 45 days later. It was like everything that I was looking for. And it was assigned just daily Homer one of these coming to the market. I have a sunroom is all glass glass including roof. So I can have a my vitamin E i can be connected and having my having my happy place when I need to work and things are really heavy. When you have a trial or you work in security you work in on Boston negotiation situations. Now because I am a hostage negotiator during the negotiation is because sometimes they call your patch through to you what's going on. So when I have high stakes situation, I need to be surrounded by calm. Second of all, I have 1600 square feet studios so I have seven studios. I do most of my training online since 40 years ago. So I have lighting as corners and station I have a room full of furnitures in covers and pillows so I can do different station and upstairs is my house with two lovely three guest bedroom plus my house, my bedroom and an amazing open living room the houses mid century 60 of everything that I want. half an acre of land in my backyard is the reserve for us so it's never going to be built. So the only thing I need to do is hire somebody to cut my grass sometime. I can hide from the wall. And one thing that I understood when I came here is that I was having problems getting overloaded. For information on the city. My condo in Chicago, I love it. That is too near to downtown. I can see the water tower and every time even went to get a coffee. It was too much people and I couldn't stop like observing and scanning Everything that happened and was too much and I didn't realize. So when I found this house has been the most productive, work wise, writing wise, personal Personally, I grow more in the last two years I've been here then that years I have been in the city. So you need to find your retreat on the new everyday life is another you need to take a vacation to time. So two weeks a year, you need to find your peace inner with you who helped you to become better.
Nicole Holland 9:27
And so before you found the home so it was clearly a serendipitous event and as one as one life ended in one chapter of your story ended, another began. Were you recognizing these things that you thought, Hmm, I realized that being in the city isn't good for my soul, or was it something that you found after you need to shift like how did you recognize that a shift was was wanted.
Susan Ibitz 10:01
I live in Miami for a long time and in Miami you don't have a CD. There are like shopping malls connected with highways, you know Miami that way. So I was missing the fact to walk to the supermarket or not to need to have a car or just drive because I wanted to go to the summer to explore the city. So when I got separated and went through my divorce I this is Chico I was home I went looking for Boston. See I don't check out my friends in Boston and Sarah says no, this is getting too expensive, too crazy. two hour commute for a 15 minute drive. So okay, Chico work, I can take the subway, and I was living as trivial. Were looking look down the leg really center. And that's when I start feeling like between what I think I wanted and what I really needed. So I went from that huge congested apartment. amazing view. But every time that I went down, all the tours were on top. I was in the middle. That was it. was behind Oprah Winfrey a building and one look away from the water tower for the ones who know Chico know that that is crazy is never stopped. So after one year and a half, I found my home in West town, bigger house, had big terrorists and everything went well. But it's still a student film that I was all the time overloaded, man, you know how life happened? You're writing all the time. You was one project after another going back and forth with Washington with other customers on political why so I never stayed until for personal reasons. I need to stay for a year and a half on the CD. And that's what it says like this is my problem is too much. And I bet I didn't know until I came here. And I have that second deputy than a one of the houses that we went to see I went to the bug er, I see it on the grass and I hear nothing, only my thoughts and that's one of my voices is starting to Comment in my head not because I'm cuckoo I've got I have a bill of clean for my therapist is just your craziness is good, it's safe you can go to the street. Ah better my voices start talking to me and like, what if you can have both? And not to wait until you're 65 and you'd retired to write because I'm not going to retire. I'm going to semi retire to write and research. What is he? What does he have now? Why don't we can do that when you're 4546 why you need to wait and most people's is oh when I get retire, I'm going to get this or that and like, why are you waiting? So I have the chance to do it. I would. I'm doing really wouldn't my job then God knocking would I have the chance so I have a columnist at the office in the city I go back and forth. And sometimes I even prefer to drive there 35 minutes away from the city to how to home. Even when I'm training because waking up in the morning seeing the sunset on the lake and on the forest and having my coffee sitting out there. See my boundaries and my Fox. I have I have Fox that allow me to pet them because I've been feeding them for so long. The raccoons come in at night and knock my door I have videos where they have the raccoons knocking in my window that I forgot to put the food out there. And that is happiness. Most people says like, You're boring, like, I'm a tiger, my professional domesticated cat again in my professional life. And this is helping me to become better for use a client and for myself and my sanity. And most of all for my friends. They don't need to Google my complaints all the time.
Nicole Holland 13:34
So you've got a lot of different people doing different things. Your your company is growing and it's exciting. And you are called to be witness you are called to do things as in addition to your trainings and things. So and then doing interviews and things like this. So I'm curious, you know, as your business was growing as you were scaling I feel like you do things really on your own terms now. And you're not doing things according to what you should do, quote should or you know, some kind of established parameters. You really you lead like a leader, and you do things to the tune of your own music. And so I'm curious about how that evolved. Is that something you've always done? Or is this something that you learned as a businesswoman over time?
Susan Ibitz 14:30
Um, when I was a kid, I always wanted to be the best in something.
This there is a Jewish term says you can be a shoemaker, but just make sure to be the best one. And I always have that need that to be recognized for my merit, I think maybe has to do with education, being pushed by parents that my father never went to college and he was a diplomat. My mom Yes. went to college she speaks several languages. She always says why you didn't teach me when I was a kid? Because you didn't want it and since when you pay attention to the kid, because Yeah, because you kind of stubborn was difficult to say no to you, but yes to you dependent when you want. But I always like things are different. I used to talk to animals. I love my father. And sometime I says an interview I my father gave me needs to read when I was six years old. And it actually is a Ron approach. He wrote, read to me, went from the six to 10 years old. He was reading to me things that make me think. And one of the things they might add all the time for the first time and that's blew my mind. He was an artist beside to be a diplomat. He was a diplomat on the art bar. He was going around the world recording art, there was a Stalin and things like that. So one time he took me to a museum in Italy, and he says, I think I was maybe like 11 or 12. I was in my period of like discovering who I am as a person and not Akita person? And he says, Do you like that painting? like nope. And his wife is sad. So you would like to have it in the room? No, I don't like it. And he says, you like this one? Yes. Why make me happy? Well, this is good again, is $1.5 million if you want to buy it, that is a posture for the carnival this weekend. So happiness, it's not how much you pay for things is how make you feel and how you make feel other people that is around you. If you're happy doing whatever you do and you're not hurting anyone or yourself why not to and those are the says less than that says you don't get that in the university. I have parents who again, maybe some one of them was in northern formerly located the other one for money located but they give me wins. And they always says Do whatever you want to do, but do it right and become minute, be responsible and be consistent. So I live my life doing that be consistent and to be the best. And I'm obsessed with learning. And I have friends as you're learning disorders as the you never stop learning. And I'm happy with that. And we make a joke about it. That is the way I designed to be was my choice. My decision to do it, I will draw up my my map. When friends were getting married and having kids they're looking at me like what is wrong with you is not my path. You want to be a mother and a wife and you're happy with that. I want to be a professional. I want to be remember as the best on my field, not for being cocky, is to be the best because I think that is something that nobody can take away from you. They can take away your power of your body. They can take your eyes, your money your house, but nobody can take away your knowledge and your trips to things I'd really happy to have done in my life once a year. I haven't done it in the last year because I'm really busy. But once a year for almost 17 to 18 years, I spent a month in Europe, nobody knew that I was there. So I was enjoying one CD from eight o'clock in the morning to four for the timezone. I was working from four to midnight. And with a cell phone all the time, we didn't have all the technology we have now but you always agree. So I spent one week in Paris when picking one week in Italy, one week in Czech Republic, living in houses of people who are done they don't talk my language. So that allowed me to expand my field, eat local by local and walking on the street and I always traveled with a backpack, my laptop and two pair of shoes, three pair of jeans, five t shirts and this Carnival underwear. It was amazing. Because I always come back with my bio back empty. And those are the things that nobody can take away from you. It's cheaper to go out. month to Europe and do brb Oh hostel. When I tell my friends like I love to go into hosting like you're sleeping with other people in the room, I have friends in Russia, in China, all over the world. I went to China to get to a wedding from one person that I met in Vienna, watching the opera will become really good friends. I went to her merit to her wedding two years ago. Those are the things that when you go to the Ritz Carlton that is amazing I love to buy when I work in when want to experiment life. And I'm a people watcher. So if you want to when I went to Amsterdam, was the only time that I moved to a hotel because I was in a hostel with everybody was Hi,
Nicole Holland 19:41
were you at Bob's youth hostel in Amsterdam, or the flying pig?
Susan Ibitz 19:47
No, I think everybody was flying except me. So everybody was having fun. It I didn't have fun. I'm allergic to any drug. So even I want to help do it. I can do it. So everybody was super high in I was like, This woman was fixated on me and watching and I couldn't sleep. And I, that's the only time I change hotels. But the experience of the people that you get, though again, those are the things that you don't get on a university. You don't get having a degree you only learn by exchanging in asking people questions and knowing people. Those are amazing those are the things that make me grow not the papers are responsible is then I have to obey to the teacher who trust me and give me the certification to keep growing. But part of the growing is many other people who says, You know what, I don't do things our way. I think you're wrong. Tell me why. Why is my like big word like, Why? Why? And some people is like, holy cow. I didn't know I was so wrong. I want to keep searching and big discoveries in my life. Like my friend says, Come with me to see the house like I'm gonna go to the to the fours. Like what I'm not, I'm not Daniel Boone, like, I'm not gonna be like planting veggies. You know what I planted veggies, I caught my grass. I have my two lips up my food in my mouth.
Nicole Holland 21:09
Oh, I love this.
Some of the things that you've mentioned, I can definitely relate to. One of the things I've realized after many, many, many, many wrong hires, and some great hires is that and I didn't really put it together till right now, as you're saying that, although I've recognized it, I didn't like really solidify it until just now during what you were saying. For me, I asked my team, always, what do you think of this? And they tell me and I say Why? Why is that? And for people who just give me what they think I want to hear or they give me flat answers, and they're not thinking, I don't feel like they're my right people because they're not getting something that I need them to get in order to. You know, excellence is very important to me as well. And if we can't collectively have excellence, they can't buy into the vision, then they're not a fit, and they don't last long. Whereas my team members who last long are the ones who can answer with their brains why they like something or don't like something. And so I think it's so important to really recognize as as we are growing as humans and professionals, what does make us happy, as you've said, and do more of that do more that lights us up and makes us feel good? Because everything else follows and when we block that off, then we're not as effective or productive as you were saying, like now that you're in this home that just makes you so happy and you love waking up to the sun and petting the foxes and it's amazing and I would love for more people to, to embrace that that spirit and that understand
Susan Ibitz 23:01
I know people who live outside Chicago and they do longer commuted than I do to have a crappy apartment outside. And there's some time it's like do one one thing is to live with your heart, but make decisions with your brain. That's where my left and right brain wants. The right is emotional and left is as intuitive as irrational. So I live with my heart on the decisions, but when I need to close the deal, I live with my brain. So when I was looking at like, oh, Mike something says go to when they're down the North. So what I did is I rented b&b. And I went to Winnetka. And I went to work for a week. And I realized that holy cow it take me an hour on the train two hours so I went to the east on Chicago, again. Naperville. We john, I have friends who make two hours commute going in two hours come back they do in a monster on the train. So when I came here in a renter how here I found out it's only two minutes 35 minutes. I have free parking on the train. Police is waiting for you on the train as soon as as soon as it get dark is free parking. The train is cheaper, have free internet and drop in the Millennium Park and 5050 minutes. Hello. So I live with my heart. But I use my brain to make the final decision taxes are better houses a cheaper for more land. And this is my first house My idea is to get two acres get even my fake Lake so I can have more animals and more dogs and things like that and have a glass house because to have a completely last house. You can have a guy snooping you when you walk in from the bedroom to the bathroom. So yeah, in order to have that. But 10 acres when an amazing build house is going to cost me the same like small apartment in Chicago. Again. I'm going to fulfill my dream by using my rational brain like okay, be crazy witness to be in this game. Wait a minute, when you're too impulsive. Think about the consequences this virus makes experience to live in here to make sure that I'm doing the right decision and not rushing and go to high. People like oh, I'm going to be drastical are going to sell everything I'm going to move in the mountain like wait a minute, you like your shoes. Yeah, you like to take a bite every morning. Leaving with a tie with a Nativity prop in the forest is not going to be for you rent your house and sell it don't do the Pray Love and pray love I don't remember the movie like a Pray Love things in your storage in take a leaf, check on the life check on the world and after that make the decisions because he is better to to make decisions with time and nor regret the decision you do because they ended up being against you. And like you said, Everybody then in my team is we're all different. Everybody challenge each other and I always says if you come into the meeting we have once a week. If you come into the meeting to say Yes boss then I hate When and tell me because you agree in everything and you don't, during at least something new crazy that we can do. excuse yourself and don't take the time to come into the meeting. And I like it. And we're different. One of the things and I asked the third day now we have two new people in training this week. And one is going to be the project manager, so is going to be the key, putting everybody together. And I did the personality types and we have a new business manager. And I was talking with the CEO of the company, Latin American says, I have the feeling this person is going to have your personality type and this one is going to have mine like no like you're gonna see and the one is the shy, the more shy ended up being equal to me on the personality spectrum the preferences, it's she's allowed to flourish, she said she said she's a cocoon she's about to be a butterfly. And I love that because I'm going to have the chance to see her being a butterfly and fly and become the best color she has. And people's is why you So much time when you can buy it already done. Because what we do is a special we are I know sounds maybe
that we're all women on the company, every time that we bring them in, that doesn't work, all the stay home mom, all around the world, all of them has been told they cannot do it. We have a lot of people that that dyslexic or to have any kind of impediment working. And that's the best people that because you give them a chance to prove the world wrong. And I love to see them Ferrari so it takes me longer to train them to get them to the point. But I love to see it like babies. I got an email from one of my students this week and he have a huge job he was on the south side Chicago not having good condition. And he's part of the one of the programs that I do. And he suddenly vanished he have a huge like in the financial office like we're talking about like six numbers really good. And I sent an email say hey, congrats. You really deserve it. And he said My private message says, Well, I couldn't have got it without you in your class and your health. And I don't remember crying since I lost my dog three years ago, but he led. Okay. Okay. Those are the things our value at the end of the day.
Nicole Holland 28:16
Yeah, changing people's lives. It's what it's all about, right? Yeah, definitely. Susan, this has been amazing. We are out of time. So as we wrap up, I'd love for you to share how my audience can further connect with you. And also any final words of wisdom you would like to leave us with?
Susan Ibitz 28:33
A I don't get wisdom because I'm still too young are going to believe until 100. So the day I die can be the last one. I can give you advice. And never, never take no for an answer. One is to be an adrenaline junkie. Another one is to take high stakes. So always, always, always lead to the height. Never settle for the low. You you depend on your low and the highest, your highest as the one will make you happy. You Don't need to make anybody else happy about you. Second, if you want to, if you want to know about us, our consulting companies humanbehaviorlab.com more than welcome to talk to you, and our online training our own The only human human behavior online training is HumanBehaviorHackerSchool.com. If he knows Google me, from him LinkedIn, I want to say hello,
Nicole Holland 29:25
amazing. Thank you so much.
And there you have it. Thanks again for tuning in, I realized there are about a million other things that you could have been doing over the past hour. And the fact that you chose to spend it listening to this podcast means the world to me. I would love to know your biggest takeaway from today's episode, so feel free to send it on social tagging me @TheNicoleHolland on Facebook or Instagram, or send me a message from my website, TheNicoleHolland.com. You'll also find show notes with the transcript from this and all other past and future podcast episodes on the website. And that URL one more time is TheNicoleHolland.com. If you'd like to take the things that you've been learning to the next level in your life, check out my meaningful mentorship experience options at MeaningfulMentorship.com To discover opportunities that will support you in embracing life more on your own terms, thanks to my podcasting goldmine team for the production of today's episode, and a special shout out to Effy Ceruti for composing the intro and outro music for this season. If you're looking for custom composed music for your own podcast, or any other aspect of strategy, design, production or promotion for your existing or new podcast, or if you'd like to incorporate strategic podcasts and guesting into your marketing plan, the podcasting goldmine team can help give us a ring at 218-GET-SEEN or contact me through the website for a custom quote. Coming up on the podcast you'll be meeting more incredible thought leaders and normal people living extraordinary lives because they've decided to consciously create the life of their dreams. Until next time, this is Nicole Holland signing off.